The Famous, Transcendental, One-Two Punch

of Erin's mac and cheese and my family's black bean chili.

If you've had it, you know what I'm talking about. Erin's mac and cheese has been sitting in her crock pot for four hours, and my chili just got off the stove, where it began twenty minutes ago. A study in contrasts, much like me and Erin. At least where height is concerned.

We first discovered this magical combination at a Final Four party last spring. I remember the silence of the guests, staring into bowls with these two dishes side by side. There was awe. One might say, a taste of the sublime.

With proper reverence, and anticipation for Erin's recipe (she's held it hostage), here.

BLACK BEAN AND TURKEY CHILI

1 T. olive oil
1 chopped onion
2 T. chopped garlic
1 lb. ground turkey, as low in fat as possible
salt and pepper

Heat oil in Dutch oven; saute onion and garlic. Brown turkey, breaking into small pieces. Season with salt and pepper. If using high-fat turkey (like 15%), feel free to drain fat after browned. Or not. Whichever.

2 c. diced tomatoes (or one 15 oz. can)
1/2 c. chopped green chiles (or one tiny can, OR one can of diced tomatoes and chiles, like Ro-tel)
2 c. black beans (or one 15 oz. can, drained and rinsed)

Pour into turkey mixture, which should still be over high heat.

3 T. chili powder
2 T. cumin
1 t. cayenne

Add to pot, and stir to combine. Add more chili powder if your chili isn't thick enough, or red enough. Add more cumin if you need to open up your sinuses, though I like to stop at 2 T. And of course, add more cayenne if you like. Tabasco works in a pinch, though you need a lot to get a decent flavor, and the vinegar in Tabasco doesn't really add to this chili.

Seriously, that's it. You will never make another chili ever again.

Christine here. Please do not think my delay in posting has anything to do with me not eating, or not cooking, or not being online. No, none of those things. It could have been because I was waiting for enough recipes to pile up. Like 20. I think it's 20, between the dinner party and all the angry shout-outs Erin keeps leaving here. I could have been waiting because I've been so busy cooking I couldn't stop to tell you about it. That is also not the case; I just take huge portions of Erin's leftovers (which she despises) and eat them at home. It is a kind of love, taking what someone else doesn't want when you'd like to have it anyway. I've been eating her white bean and sausage stew for two weeks. Seriously.

Enough headnotes and malformed apologies. Time for food!

CHURCH LADY FRUIT DIP

Really, that is this recipe's most accurate name. It's from my parents' church's fundraiser cookbook, titled AT THE TABLE. There's a sketch of the church's steeple on the front cover. It's the kind of cookbook I open up before I go to barbecues, looking for my mom's three-bean salad, and sometimes when I'm sick and can't think about difficult, multistep recipes. All the Cheez Whiz and Oleo usually stops me pretty fast, encouraging me to nap--which is what I should have done anyway.

This resembles caramel apple dip, with much less caramel and more creamy goodness. It also goes together very, very quickly, keeps for a few refridgerated, not-eaten-from-container days. Great with Fuji apples and ripe, almost moldy, strawberries from Aldi. (I didn't see the mold! I threw them out when I did! I swear!)

"Dips for Fruit"

Option 1:
1/2 c. sour cream
1/3 c. brown sugar

Stir. Eat. I heart church ladies.

Option 2 (which I like):
1/2 c. sour cream
1/4 c. cream cheese, softened (use the microwave for 20 seconds)
2 T. white sugar
2 T. brown sugar
1 T. maple syrup--the closer to Vermont, the better

Stir. Chill for 2 hours prior to serving--it does actually help the sugars miraculously dissolve.

Lovin' Will (& Gina Torres!!) and Eatin' avocados

So last night for Alias night -- not the return, that was last week, when there was Christy salad and homemade chicken noodle soup* -- there was Will Tippen love and collective feminine appreciation for the hotness that is Gina Torres. Most importantly though, there was Salmon & Avocado with Sesame Soy Dressing, one of the best things that I've found on the Food Network site in quite some time. Plus if you don't have sesame oil (because who does?), a little vegetable oil will work fine, though I wouldn't skimp out on the the sesame seeds. They add texture that you wouldn't get with much else. Not the mention the whole recipe totally only takes 10 minutes to make and is light and just plain yummy.

There was also leftover polenta from yesterday that I attempted to bake, though that didn't go over as nicely as I'd have hoped. (Crusty on top, yes, but still far too gooey in the middle.) Also a kick ass chocolate-prune cake courtesy of Christine (Again, start bugging her. I don't have her magical recipes, alas.) and Christy salad, this week with apples and gorgonzola. Mmm.

Oh Sydney, it is time to battle yourself! We all sensed it. If only there were ninja flying stars involved, then life would be downright blissful.

--

*Erin's Chicken Noodle Soup -- From Scratch Bitches!

8 cups chicken stock
4 cups water
2 carrots, chopped
3 stalks of celery, chopped
1 onion, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
4 cloves of garlic, minced
2 bay leaves
5 whole cloves
1/4 cup lemon juice
1 cup cooked chicken, chopped into bite-size pieces
1 tsp marjoram
1/2 package of egg noodles
salt & pepper to taste


Bring chicken stock & (preferably made yourself, because you want to be that cool, and hell, who doesn't have chicken bones just lying around the house to boil up. C'mon!) water to boil. Add carrots, celery, onion, green pepper, garlic, bay leaves, and cloves to water. Lower heat to medium low. Let simmer for one hour. Add chicken, lemon juice, and marjoram. Simmer for 20 minutes. Add egg noodles and turn heat up to medium. Cook until egg noodles are tender, approximately 10 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste. Consume heartily.

Keep in mind, this makes enough to feed a small army, so amass one early. It's hard to draft so late in the game.

Christy's Dinner Party O' Love (Part One)

In celebration of Christy turning the big and ancient 2-5, Christine & I determined we would both create a delicious and all-encompassing meal in celebration as well as exorcise our departmental issues through excessive food preparation. For many days (some might say weeks), we poured through cookbooks, determined a cooking order, and were sadly forced to drink much beer in build-up for said event. This was what our collaboration came up with:

First Course
Mushroom Pate* & Bruschetta with Leaks and Brie**

Second Course
Our friend Wolfgang's Mushroom Soup

Third Course
Chicken with Lemon Herb Sauce
Salt-Roasted Potatoes*
Steamed Asparagus with Roasted Red Pepper Salsa*

Fourth Course
mescaline & Watercress Salad with Pears & Shaved Parmesan*

Fifth Course
Choice of Red Wine Sorbet*, Chocolate Torte (?)*, and (my personal favorite) Is It Really Better Than Sex? Cake (The answer? Sometimes, depending, but mostly no.)

There was much wine to compliment said meal, though sadly I can remember none of the fine beverages imbibed with the exception of Aldi's Riesling, my favorite of the classy Aldi wines. ($5! Need I say more?)

I would also like to report that all were happy with said meal, which was obvious by the excessive telling of dirty jokes at our table and the inability of people to move much afterward.

* - Christine is in charge of getting you, our loyal readers, the recipes. (Get on the ball, girlie!)

** - It's exactly what it says, but here's a recipe form, for those of you who like numbers.

1 loaf French bread (preferably bought by Carl)
1/2 lb Brie
2 leaks (finely chopped)
1 yellow onion (finely chopped)
2 tbp olive oil
1 tsp garlic powder
salt & pepper (to taste)

Pre-heat oven to 350. Saute leaks and onion in olive oil until slightly browned. Add garlic powder, salt, and pepper. Cut bread into one inch thick slices. Top with sliced Brie. Then top Brie with leak & onion mixture. Heat in oven approximately eight minutes. Serve warm.

The Great Pamcake Cook-Off

Several weeks ago, my house hosted the Great American Pancake Cook-Off. Okay, really it was the Greater-Chambana Pancake Cook-off that consisted of a measly four entries, but regardless! The important part about this story is that my pancakes (or pamcakes) were the champeens. Yes, that's right, world. E.E. Smith is Champaign-Urbana's Pancake Queen. Get me a float and tiara and the reign shall begin.

Of course I completely stole the recipe from here. (I know, me and the Food Network -- who woulda thunk it?) But there's no real issue with thievary in bake-offs. At least when you win. And Christine, c'mon darling, did you learn nothing from the Great Kugel Cook-off of 2005? Just because you put custard into something does not make it a slam-dunk. Plus anyone who's ever played Axis & Allies knows it's impossible for the Germans to win.

Elsewhere in my kitchen, I have noticed that I've gotten into these strange obsessions with certain foods the same way I do with certain songs. (My roommate noted not too long ago that she heard me play the same Old 97s song four times in a row and knew it wasn't a wise idea to come out and ask how I was doing.) As far as food goes though, I've been eating far too much of the following --

-bananas and cottage cheese (yes, together)
-red chai with soy milk
-pb&j (that's all natural peanut butter and some of my roommate's farmer's market raspberry jam . . . oh the snobbery!) on english muffins (well, these are from aldi and pretty crappy, so . . . )

I'm still in full obsession mode with some other things too -- black beans & rice, making chicken stock, soups from the food network site, Spanish wine, Goose Island Oatmeal Stout, Paula Deen's French coconut pie. Of course I made this the other night trying to marry my obsession with soup and black beans, and I must say, it was vastly mediocre. Five stars my ass.

The Wonders of the Sea (& the South) in the Midwest

There are few instances where I get itchy for Southern cooking. Too many years above the Mason-Dixon line have weakened my stomach to all forms of vegetable oil and lard and have thus greatly decreased the amount of Southern food that I can consume when home. (My tolerance for Cream of Mushroom soup-esque cooking has also gone down, but that's solely from acquired snobbery. In theory, it's just as tasty.) However, I was feeling the itch for some Carolina cuisine, so did a little digging and found this recipe for shrimp & grits, which might just be the tastiest thing I have ever consumed. I'll note that leaving the leeks out is perfectly okay and that prosciutto is an adequate substitution for the tasso ham, though I'd recommend throwing in some Cajun spice mix to heat it up. (Or red pepper. I'll never so no to red pepper.) I'm sure it's even better in places where the shrimp hasn't been sitting around in the grocery store freezer to the point that it could probably acquire a driver's license in most states.

Also, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to find grits in Illinois. There was a brief moment of panic walking through Schnuck's with my little basket that I would be making shrimp & Cream of Wheat, but no! There they were beside the instant oatmeal, and my heart rate returned to normal and for a brief moment in the sterile white light of this anywhere chain grocery store, I felt at home.

In other food related news, I am making biscotti. One of my favorite weekend activities. I've modified this recipe and pretty much perfected it, though more often than not I manage to burn the damn things. I completely suck at remembering that I have things in the oven and again with the damn kitchen timer! Someone! Please! If you missed my birthday, here's your chance to make it right.

Below, "Erin's Modified Biscotti Recipe That Will Completely Rock Your Socks if One's Socks Can in Fact Be Rocked."

2 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
3/4 cup sugar
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, room temperature (or melted in the microwave like I do because I never think to leave my butter out and I'm too lazy to do so after I decide that I must bake *right now*)
2 large eggs
1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla
1/3 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1/3 cup cappuccino chips (or nuts or white chocolate chips or more semisweet chocolate chips or whatever you've got around -- though I don't really recommend fruits or vegetables, regardless of how exotic you're trying to go with these)


Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Line a heavy large baking sheet with parchment paper. Whisk the flour, baking powder, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt in a medium bowl to blend. Using an electric mixer, beat the sugar and butter in a large bowl to blend. Beat in the eggs 1 at a time. Stir in vanilla. Add the flour mixture and beat just until blended. Stir in the chocolate chips.

Form the dough into a 16-inch-long, 3-inch-wide log. Transfer the log to the prepared baking sheet. Bake until light golden, about 30 minutes. Cool 30 minutes. (They're not kidding with the cooling thing. Don't try to be all manly and chop through them when they're freakin' hot. It hurts their feelings and more importantly, their eventual texture.)

Place the log on the cutting board. Using a serrated knife, cut the log on a diagonal into 1/2- to 3/4-inch-thick slices. Arrange the cookies cut side down on the baking sheet. Bake the cookies until pale golden, about 15 minutes. Transfer the cookies to a rack and cool completely. They're almost always better the second day because they're harder and thus don't come apart in your coffee ruining said sacred beverage. The recipe will make about 10 regardless of the fact that it claims to be able to make approx. 24. I don't know where they get these damn numbers.